THE TRUTH: 26 IS A LONELY NUMBER
Arizona is well known for its golfing as well as its golfers, this is true. So what is it that keeps us (me) coming back for more embarrassing moment after moment? For me, the game can be more frustrating in hindsight, which they say is 20/20. My golf hindsight is usually blurred by me pounding my head with the palm of my hand. What’s that in my head? “You’re an idiot!”, “What are you doing!”. Ok, stop, breathe, focus…nice…easy…swing…..”WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING!” Throw the club into the water, kick the golf cart, tackle the people behind me…fade to black.
Ok, so that’s the dramatic version. I like to believe that everyone has the occasional “Happy Gilmore” flash at least once in 18 holes. For me it helps to visualize how horrible “Happy” was (in the first part of the movie). I walk around the course with an undeserving sense of accomplishment, bouncing my ball from tree to tree. It’s true, the last time I went golfing, I actually drove the ball HARD into 4 different trees…on the same hole. That was actually at Los Colinas in Queen Creek, AZ. The funny part is that there is only four trees on this course. Ok, there’s more than four trees, but there are not many that you should be concerned with anyway.
So we’ve established that I stink at golf. That’s not the problem. The problem is that I love the game! I love playing golf. As bad as I am on one hole, I can’t wait to get to the next tee box. And, I have a funny feeling that I will never get better, and will probably stink for the rest of my life. But strangely, I have this eerie sense of confidence when I play, sometimes to the point that I’ll actually talk trash to my partner? True. They usually just look at me and give me a pitty smile (but probably totally freaked out).
I’ve received tons of great advice that sometimes works, but mostly just makes it worse. I pretty much know exactly how to play a perfect game of golf, but I can’t actually do it. This is absolutely a recurring theme in my life, I know you were thinking it :). So anyway, here it goes, my first tip from a 26 handicap:
Step up to the tee: stance is shoulders width apart, elbows in, head down, nice & easy balanced swing, and…………dammit……missed………the ball remains.
Check to see if anyone was watching. If they were, pretend like it was a practice swing…maybe do a couple more practice swings & back stretches to really sell it.
Step back up to the tee: shake it off, stance is shoulders width apart, elbows in, head down, nice & easy balanced swing, and…………….. hit the top of the ball……….it rolled almost exactly 7 feet.
Pick up the ball and let the next person hit.
Go sit in the cart and pretend like everything is just fine.
Pull out your cell phone and stare at it for awhile.
Live for another hole. God I love this game.
This was fun, I think I will continue this blog and keep you informed as I continue to stink. The glass is half full, because I get to spend time outside in some of the most beautiful golf courses our planet has to offer, and hang out with some pretty cool people. I’ll let you know how I do, and where I’m playing…and maybe, just maybe we’ll get better together. Feel free to leave your golf tips in the comments. Everything helps!